BPDRecovery.com: Forums

Hi all. I'm Zora. I used to be a very regular member here a number of years ago. (And btw, I posted in another part of the board without thinking I really need to re-introduce myself!). I am a self-diagnosed with BPD. I first realized it during Abnormal Psych class in college when I had a solid 8 out of the 9 criteria in the DSM IV. "Worked" on it for a while. Had a few therapists, didn't work, didn't trust most of them, etc. Then got serious and used this board to make some BIG progress in my life. HUGE leaps and bounds and was down to 2 out of 9! No longer diagnosable! For the first time since I could remember, I was happy, healthy, not depressed, not wanting to die everyday, functioning healthier in relationships, etc, etc!

Fast-forward about 6 years or so.... and this morning I realized I am back on the BPD train. I checked out and I am a solid 5 out of 9 of the criteria. Bad habits came back. My outbursts of anger are now frequent and more violent and vicious than EVER. Ridiculous mood swings. And my marriage. Having BIG problems. I WAS putting most of the blame on him, but this morning I truly recognized that I am being just as bad as him in many ways and I am definitely a BIG part of the problem. :-(

So now I'm frustrated and depressed at where I am. I knew it was a "lifelong" process and would take a ton of work..and I guess cuz I was doing well, I slacked, and over the last few years, I haven't noticed my back-sliding.

So here I am. Ready to get back on track. To save my marriage, and to bring about my stability once again. I think the Five Steps is where I will start. Need to do a lot of re-reading though. Separation of Stuff, Feelings and Moods, Double-check my thinking process and see if the twisted thinking has returned.

Thanks for reading!

I thought that BPD was a stuck with it and just learn to cope and handle thing.... I have the hardest time trying to cope with it, but I am doing well. I think it's amazing you did so well, I'm inspired actually. I'm actually gonna be printing off all the steps and taping them up everywhere. LOL!

wow, zora, i'm encouraged by your enthusiasm and never give up / never say die spirit

Thanks guys. I don't always feel so "go get 'em", but I DO know that I am able to make HUGE steps when I put all the work in. I don't believe BPD has to forever be a disorder to hold you back/down. But with the realizations in the past week, I DO believe it's something I'll have to make sure I'm doing self-work for probably my whole life.

I've been trying to daily do a self-affirmation with the 4 agreements, and work through the 5 steps backwards on some situations that have happened recently. I can only take 1 day at a time, which is all ANY of us can do!!

zora
yupz yupz agree with you!