BPDRecovery.com: Forums

Hi,

I have a long history of mental illness which I'm sure is no surprising news to anyone here. Mainly diagnosed as Major Depressive, then Bi-Polar II and someone asked recently if I had any of the symptoms of C-PTSD or BPD.

I have had "therapy" and I see a psychiatrist. I do not do therapy w/ my psychiatrist (we do talk, but I mainly see her for med reviews).

To make a long story short while I was reading up on BPD some of the symptoms really resonated within me. Nothing to a huge degree and the tools I learned using DBT have helped me through.

But the splitting hit me like a ton of bricks. It is not really radical, but it could explain why I have so few people in my life, why I am constantly struggling with relationships and being so confused about how I feel about someone. How could I like someone one day and dislike them at some other time. I feel torn between two sides. I can "talk" my way out of it, but I feel so confused about people most of the time. Hence, the fact that I interact w/ so few people (or people who I allow to get close to me).

There is only one person in my life right now who I have always felt totally accepted by and who understood my feelings. I never experienced any type of splitting with him (he is a friend, not boyfriend). It is always good w/ him. He is my very good friend, my cheerleader, my supporter. If I didn't have him I would probably be dead.

Yes, there is a lot more to my story, but like I said I am just feeling this forum out. I don't know what I am and if any diagnosis will change how I deal w/ life?

I did suffer emotional abuse by my mother when I was growing up (absent father) and I never put 2 and 2 together. I was never able to put the correct words (emotional abuse) with the actions.

Okay, I'm going to stop now. What an introduction. And all of this has risen to the surface in the past 3 months and I am 47 and I have struggled with life my whole life.

Lone SoJourner

welcome onboard

LoneSojourner,

I believe you have come to the right place. Welcome. sometimes it feels like a lone journey to me as well.

Dagwood

Welcome on!
You don't have to be diagnosed with BPD to benefit from the tools and techniques we use here. I know plenty of "normal" people who could use this site...

I'm sorry that so much has hit you in the past few months. But sometimes realization is the first step toward answers, a direction to begin moving forward.

Thank you for the welcome. There is so much information here it is overwhelming. Where do I start? I have had Dialectal Behavioral Therapy.

I know can just roam around but by the time I get to my computer it is later in the evening and my mind is already starting to overload.

Any suggestions?

LoneSojourner

There is a lot of information here!
I'm a big fan of the Five Steps, the Four Agreements and the Twisted Thinking. The Five Steps teach me how to respond rationally instead of react emotionally. The twisted thinking exercises help me to identify and correct thought and belief patterns that fuel my emotional reactions. The Four Agreements give me a framework for living that de-fuses and unplugs a lot of my emotional triggers.

I'd say...start with the area you're having the most trouble with.

WOW! ~ I think I'm going to feel comfortable here. Two or three or four or more heads ARE better than one. Sojourner--I wish good things for you and your struggles. We all have them.

I feel the same way as your subject to this little intro. I feel so jumbled in my head, most days I don't even know what's wrong with me. Thank you for showing me I am not the only one feeling like this...