BPDRecovery.com: Forums

Well, this is my first post, and although I do feel a bit odd, I am hoping that by deciding to join this forum, I will be helping myself move forward with my own recovery process. I hope that if I communicate more with people who struggle with some of the same problems I do that I won't feel so alone and therefore so vulnerable to the destructive relationships and behaviors that have been such a large part of my adult life.

I have been in therapy - on and off - since I was 36 years old (currently 55) after an almost successful suicide attempt. While my therapy has been helpful, I think that the value of peer support is indispensable, and sadly, it is something I don't seem to have, even with my closest of friends, because there just seems to be so much they don't and/or can't understand, even with the best of intentions. So that is what has led me here at this point in my journey.

The problem I am dealing with most right now is loneliness. While I know cognitively that this is something everyone deals with, my own emotional and physical response to it is simply one of utter pain. Intolerable actually. Way out of proportion. And here's the catch. It seems that no matter what I do - exercise, read, cook, walk, shop, drink, eat, garden - there is always this huge emptiness. I wonder, is this something I will always have to live with? Because I am sooooo sick of hurting like this.

Thoughts? Responses? Any would be gladly welcomed...

Hey Benu,

Chronic emptiness is a classic trait of BPD. It must be rough to go through life so long feeling that way. I do agree that peer support is indispensable, and I have only one person in my life who truly supports me. If he disappears or run away, I don't know what that would do to me. I understand that feeling. The emptiness is so bad that any release at all is so welcomed. I hope you don't give up. Let's try to form a community here where we can ease each others' pain a little bit, and lessen that emptiness at least a little bit.

Looking forward to see you more here

Benu,

While emptiness is common in people with BPD, I don't think that it's something you can't overcome.

I think that in cases like yours, when you're surrounded by people who just don't seem to understand where you're coming from, it's hard to feel connected to others. Like your part of some private world that they don't experience. Fortunately, you're not alone.