BPDRecovery.com: Forums

So much has happened to me in the past couple of years. Some of it was gruesome and hurtful behavior toward me, or even from me.

Sometimes, a memory comes up, and it's just a memory. Other times, I find myself feeling everything I did when it happened the first time. The feeling of being hated. Completely disregarded. Not good enough. Not pretty enough. Just not... enough. The feeling of being lied to. Of being thrown around. Choked. Worse things.

Almost every time, I become frantic. Completely caught up in it, and unable to escape. Sometimes in the heat of it, I feel like the only way to escape these memories is to die.

Can anyone please offer some advice? I don't know how to prevent myself being thrown into it, and it's miserable. It feels like torture, and all I have to do to get there is think the wrong thought.

Eckhart Tolle's book,,Into the now has anexcellent chapter on the pain body and its effects on some people. I found it very helpful in those moments. I to have disturbing thoughts and memories. There are a couple practical tools to disengage from the pain factory.

Krokus

mask
i so get what you mean, though my memories are probably different from yours. When i start thinking about the past, i go into pain mode, rejection mode (feeling that i'm rejected) and depressive state.

i haven't really practised this much, but how bout just OBSERVING your feelings? just observe them and watch them go by.... pretend that you're an outsider watching everything pass by you....