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Ok, so, I have been on this wicked downhill slide of making tons of stupid mistakes. tho I can't list more than a few, it's been going on for awhlie:

- 2 wks ago lost sunglasses; still havent found tho they may be right here

- told my sis to use a single edge, not a double edged razor to cut a box down; for the next box i got a single edged razor n promptly cut my finger. not baldly, but enuf we needed to wrap it as it was dripping all over things

- put some app'ts down on the wrong date

- put some appt's down under wrong person

- left work on thurs nite closing out the lites; locking the back doors; setting the alarm.. .never did lock the front door.. was open upon co-workers arrival the next morning

- tonite packed up all sorts of paper and virtual files and assembled into neat packages; got home box in hand, but left the cd at work.. there goes 2 days of working from home..

And this is what comes to mind without thinking... heck if I want to see what I missed !

So, I have spent the last 45 min very pissed at myself. I worked last week at focusing more so the scheduling errors would not continue and it worked. But, it seems that this week is a new set of problems- leaving before I am really ready to go. (but dang do I want to get out of there- and breathe for a few minutes ! and re-adjust my head (in hopes i wont make those types of mistakes))

So, now that I am almost done with being pissed at myself and having my plans change thanks to my own ineptitude, I decided, I need to look at this differently (mainly cause yep I am still pissed at self- losing 2 days of a more relaxed and quiet environment because of the dang disc. all isnt lost, but, sleeping in 2m is.. and that is enuf, after 2 wks of bad sleep patterns)

Radically accept that what has transpired has and I cant change it- the disc isnt here. I'll have to go back to work to get it. Accept, too, that this afternoon I was thinking, perhaps it isnt a good time to work from home, as so much is in a state of flux.

5 steps-

halt - yes i am angry and tired

problem - i left the disc at work (bigger problem, i have too much on my mind and am moving too fast)

courses of action- forego the work from home day and work all day tomorrow; go back to work tonite to pick it up; go to work tomorrow, do some work, get the disc and leave

best for now - go to work tomorrow.. figure out then how long i stay (which imo will be too long ) and go to bed early tonite


Twisted thinking - untwist

I always do dumb things - I dont always do dumb things. Atm I am just not focused on every step when in fact I need to do so moreso atm.

I'll never get past this period of forgetfulness - I am not always forgetful. It is co-inciding with the amount of stuff on my plate.

Anyone can do it better than me. - Everyone makes mistakes. I dont know of all the mistakes others make. I probably dont make the mistakes they do; nor they make ones I do.

I am stupid - I am not stupid, but I am doing things that are silly.



Four Agrees

be impeccable with your word.

well, earlier tonite i wasnt in that I was calling myself names. but, I was feeling responsible (and foolish) for the mistake tonite, especially when I remember hearing the disc tray open, and my pulling the disc out. Just have no idea, atm, where it is.

Dont take things personally

ah, well, spose i did hence called myself names. but I am not an action, tho actions do make a statement about one, eh?

I can however take responsibility for lack of planning and forethought. (or checking myself twice these days)

Dont make assumptions

I wont continue this. Nor can I assume that its a one-off. It must be something I pay attention to, least now in the short-term till live settles back down.

(it wont get better by itself, nor is this how things will be for me from here on out)

Always do your best.

Atm my best is not what it is under less stressful and chaotic times. I am tho, with my work, applying myself more so.. working at staying focused and taking breaks when I am not. So, guess, I need to keep this one in the forefront more- I am not at my best hence require some extra check-ins with self- both for how I am doing; taking breaks and for making sure I am following all the necessary steps.

Good work with all the tools, smilin --

It does really sound, what with your sleep problems and these things that you've described here, like you have a lot going on in your mind, whether consciously or not. It can definitely be very frustrating when things keep going awry, whether it's from lack of rest or the subconscious brain chatter that's distracting you. But as you've realized, putting yourself down or blaming yourself isn't a good path to take.

I hope the sleep issues are clearing up a little for you. Tracy had some great relaxation ideas in your other thread. And, as I'm sure you know, it's important to stick pretty rigidly to a set bedtime for a while, and if you can't get to sleep in a half-hour or so, get up and go in another room and read a boring book for a bit (don't get on the computer! -- the bright light of the monitor can wake your brain up instead of make it slow down) and then try again. Also, if you can fit in a bit of exercise, earlier in the day rather than near bedtime, that might help too.

There's an over-the-counter sleep aid called "Sleep MD" that my psychiatrist recommended when I was going on a trip where I'd have to sleep in a dorm with a bunch of other people and I was nervous I'd never be able to sleep well. I forget what's in it -- herbs and stuff, not drugs, I found it in the vitamin section at the drugstore. I took it every night and slept like a log, but I was also doing a lot of very physical work and was pretty exhausted every night, so I don't know how much of my sleepiness was due to the tablets.

If you know what's going on in your mind that's distracting you at work, hopefully you'll be able to resolve it soon. If you don't, maybe some journaling will help you tease it out. Sometimes just naming the problem can lead to some resolution.

Hope you're better soon!

Hi, smilin

I think you did a good job with the tools! Sleeping less than you need to function can be a major cause for your forgetfulness. I'm going through somewhat of the same problems as you lately. My d. and family were here for a few weeks, and I never did fully adjust to the chaos in my house. I'm trying to plan my other d's wedding, which is just a few weeks away! I'm forgetting things (make lists!!!), not getting enough sleep, and worrying about how everything will turn out. Too much on my plate too. So I empathize with you.

I tend to try to do everything at once, and that's impossible. Or, I THINK of everything at once, so my mind wanders because I'm thinking ahead about the next "challenge", so I can't concentrate on the task at hand. I don't know if that's your problem or not. So, I'd suggest trying to concentrate on 1 task at a time, and not think about the next one. I'm going to try doing that.

You're not stupid, and you don't always do dumb things! I'm glad you realize that. You're just stressed. Is it possible you're still grieving for your father and the other losses you talked about in a former thread? That makes sense to me.

Maybe relaxation tapes would work. Have you ever tried them? Or yoga or something like that?

I don't have time to write more, as I'm stressed with all the wedding plans, and a million things to do. I hope you find relief soon!

How did the rest of your work go? Did you get more sleep?

Sari -

Thanks for the reminder about a set bedtime. I have realized this is part of my problem but have yet to get myself to adhere. Again, not sure what is stopping me from that. Something, I think, about my time at the end of the day and not being under the constraints after being so all day. Dunno really and actually would love to figure out; but chosing to accept that I am fighting myself in this way. Delaying returning to work and dealing with that stress? or thinking of work? Dunno.

Yes Ive heard the same about not staying in bed, and have to say that alone has helped me over the past years. I usually will go up to an hour then give in and get up.. B_U_T often, yep, I chose the computer. So, I will have to re-think this one, eh?

Another good point is the physical exercise. I was consistent at it the weeks before this lack of sleep pattern and had to stop one week, but I turned that one into 3 and this is a bad habit of mine- not doing the things that are good for me- exercise; sleep routine; even eating right- when I am feeling most stressed. Somehow seems to be related to giving myself freedom when I am feeling so many demands..? (or so I think, have yet to work this out; and think I'd really feel great if I would do the opposite of this and finally stick to the healthy things when I am under stress.. self defeating comes clearly to mind)

Wondering-

Sounds like a busy hectic schedule and such a huge disruption to routine, but I know its worth it- having family around- in many ways.

I think I fall more into the overthinking routine than overdoing. And, tho I've improved on that some (fear use to paralyze me but now I can push thru it some) it still is my downfall. Partially the perfectionist coming out and partially the 'too much' coming out. Sometimes I use what I've learned from jogging about my head and the games it wants to play and try to overcome it; sometimes I go into avoidance mode.

Yep, the concentration thing. Not allowing my mind to drift or at least catching myself and bringing it back. That does take work and it is something I need to practice more. I can go on routine pretty well, but I am finding routine can leave me vulnerable also. So, yes, this has become a bigger priority in my life- keeping focused. I even will tell myself that I can think of ___ later, as a reward for finishing a task. I also try to weigh more now the multi-tasking and if it will be a detrimient or not (some tasks really do require full attention!)

Yoga I went to last year for the first time and was pleasantly surprised at its impact on me. I did enjoy it, but havent gotten myself back to it. Havent had the time due to all the family stuff, and now I have to readjust my weekend schedule since I dont have family stuff. Is only my 2nd week without so I am very much off a weekend schedule but hope to rectify that soon.

Would love to hear more about the wedding and how plans are going. Know its a very crazy time. Are you too working on keeping yourself balanced and taking good care?

I ended up going into work very early one morning to get the disc then promptly returned home. Would have liked to sleep more but was awake by end of the roundtrip- bout hr and half.

I was all ready to work on two reports, unsure of how long one would take but it was higher priority- as taxes were due at end of the week; when I opened my work email to find about 3 times the amount of emails than I normally receive. It is the tail end of busy time part 1. So I had to spend the morning doing that and my computer was damn slow to load (believe it is the server more than my computer).

I did not get to one of the reports that day; also had numerous work phone calls which again was beyond the norm.

The second day home wasnt much better; LOTS more emails and the one report was returned to me for yet another proofing. Supervisor took over the 2nd half of one report for me and it didnt feel great to let go of; but was indeed necessary and the right move.

Sleep was a bit better; Did take pills one of the nights, but each day I got in some exercise and some 'me' time. One nite hit the movies with H; nother nite played some tennis which was more like swatting the ball around both my partner and I were worn out. Both of us have had stressful times at work.

So, with the 2 reports out of the way things are a wee bit calmer but my plate is still very full. And there is also some family stuff cropping up.

I am getting better sleep. I still need to cut back tho and get my bedtime to an earlier hour.