BPDRecovery.com: Forums

I got my official scores from the GRE today. I haven't opened the envelope yet, because I think it will help me to practice skills BEFORE I know the results.

On a side note, today is my birthday, and it has actually been a great day. My parents sent me flowers, co-workers gave me brownings and my roommate is cooking my favorite meal.

I got the mail, saw the logo from the testing center and I swear my heart jumped superfast. Like I got really really anxious in three seconds. So, radical acceptance is accepting that I got/am anxious about the score report.

Maybe it's easier to start off with what it means in my head, and then counteract it with skills. For instance, my head says "Oh my god" what is in this envelope is going to determine if I have to retake the test for real. If the scores are below what I need, then I feel like I'm back to square one. I'm catastrophizing a bit I think. Part of me thinks I need to be more realistic - I've been out of college for ten years now, I studied for 2 months, and I had anxiety issues. So, maybe this was a good first try, a good attempt to start me on the path to my goal of actually attending graduate school. Of course, there is part of me that yearns and hopes the scores are what I need. I honestly don't want to have to take the test again. And i don't want to have to pay the $150 to take it again either.
The big dysfunctional thought I think is that my head thinks if I don't do well, then I'm not moving on. Part of the reason I'm doing the grad school thing now is to try to move on with my life, to have Chris out of my life, to have a new start in my own environment and not an environment which is tainted by memories of him.

Yeah, honestly not sure how I'm supposed to untwist or radically accept that last one.

I need to remember if I didn't do well, I am NOT A FAILURE. I only fail if I give up. Emotional reasoning gets in the way here. I can always tell when I start off with "I feel ..." lol

ANyways, back to the subject at hand. IF I did well, that's awesome. If I didn't do well and need to retake that test, it might be annoying, but it is okay. I can chalk up the first one up to practice and therefore probably do better the second time

1. HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

2. Congrats on taking the GRE! Even the act of taking the exam is a milestone accomplishment. It's more than I've done and more than many, if not most, people have done so I hope you're proud of yourself for getting that far and jumping into the exam with both feet.

3. Good job on recognizing and accepting the momentary but instinctive anxiety. You're right - a lot does rest on the fate of the contents of the envelope however hyperventilating about what MIGHT be in there won't change what IS in there because you've already taken the exam. That particular fate was sealed quite some time ago, wasn't it really?

4. Have you opened the envelope yet?

Thanks Ash for the feedback. Yes, I did eventually open the envelope and I did well enough that I don't have to retake the test. So, I'm really happy right now, Still, I think that was a good example of when to use the skills before an event, I know that is something I struggle with and forget to do a lot, so I'm happy because of the test scores but also because I practiced skills which helped me before (if that makes sense. lol.)

Thanks again!

smiles,

Good for you, Pip!

You did a wonderful job using the tools - not just Radical Acceptance. You used the Five Steps to stop yourself and select a coping method - which turned out to be Radical Acceptance - so that's a triple-yay! (One for each of the tools & one for the exam results!)

Three yays from me!



Lirael

You guys really are the best! Thank you. I am grateful for this board, I am grateful for having a community which is so skill-oriented, and I am thankful for the support and validation and even the kick in the posterior sometimes when it is needed!