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I have been in denial for a long time about my marriage. I have been wanting it to work so badly that I have been tolerating all sorts of abuse and excusing it because of my husband's own abusive background. The fact is that he totally misrepresented himself to me as somebody that he was not and he does not seem to be willing to get help. He promised me a lot of things that he is simply not delivering on and I have tried every sane tactic to get us on the same page... working together toward a harmonious relationship with integrity. I am actively working on my recovery and he does not seem to think there is anything that he needs to do. I had a session with my life coach today and she advised me to accept the reality that he is not the man that I thought he was and to start looking into my options as far as leaving. I am still somewhat in a state of shock. I really believed for a time that this person was my soul mate and that we would face both of our difficulties together and support each others process. It just isn't turning out that way. I deserve better. I am worthy of support and love. So here I am sitting in a space of total uncertainty about my future. I had built my entire future around this man believing that he would also get help if issues came up for him but it is just not happening. I thought that if I changed enough that things would be okay. The fact is that I can't live my life feeling as if the person I married does not have my back and possibly does not love me... at least not in the way that I want to be loved. I have no idea what I am going to do. I need to keep a cool head and see what my options are. I am very sad that I allowed myself to be duped because I wanted so badly to be the apple of someone's eye. I have been trying to recreate the relationship that I used to have with my Father. My coach and I came to the conclusion that this is all very toxic for me and I know that is correct. I just haven't wanted to accept it. I am accepting it now and it hurts like hell.

Hi, I feel the same way ! I can't live with the guy I married knowing that he might not love or thinks I'm crazy It hurts so much, I know he loves me but when I have a crisis he says horrible things to me and the next day he apologizes.

I know I'm hurting him, because he gets angry and starts crying, he keeps asking himself WHY ME?! ''why can't you be a nice mellow girlfriend that trusts me'' I've told him that I don't want to blackmail him, that I want him to be happy even if is not with me because is not his fault that I have borderline personality. but he says he loves me and wants to help me..
still is making me constantly worried

I hope you know you're not alone and I Hope things get better for you.