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this is a frequent thing...i cant feel empathy for myself. Long night. Long morning. Caregiver shows up and i just want to cry, grieve, feel bonding, nurturing. i feel ashamed and scared of being needy and inapropriate and not knowing what's appropriate. im so fricken tired and sick to go out or do anything. if i can feel some nurturing inside, or deal with these feelings, i can sometimes find some energy to be able to do things like go out in car for a ride, walk in store for 15 minutes, etc.

I handle it in differnet ways. sometimes just observe the feelings and impulse to receive nurturing, but dont act on them. sometimes act opposite to them. sometimes ask her to sit with me. sometimes ask her to give me 1/2 hour and come back so i process my feelings. that's what i did just now.

Feeling scared!! fricken totally fricken hate this. how to move forward farther on this?! i hate being stuck on this!!

Thoughts: im bad that i want nurturing. im lame. im such a loser. i shouldnt depend on her. need my own friends instead. im using her. i'll never get well. I HATE being in this situation!!

untwisting and accepting: this all feels bad, this is an awful feeling, i feel so awful.........but this is life. this is my life to live. it's my responsibility to deal with this.

That's all i can do right now.

Hey Liz,
Note the negative self-talk, the bashing that you've just given to yourself:
I'm bad. I'm a loser. I'm bad for wanting and needing nurturing.

Recognize the negative self-talk, watch / observe it, and then stop doing that to yourself. You're not helping yourself

Then, acknowledge to yourself that your needs are genuine. You are not bad for wanting and needing nurturing, you are not bad for needing what you need.

Then start recognizing that it is within your power to provide that self-nurturing to yourself. The ability to be able to nurture oneself BEGINS with the RECOGNITION that it's within your power.

I usually talk to myself (not negative self-talk), but I pretend that there's an ADULT me, and a KIDDO me. And Adult me would talk to Kiddo me, treat Kiddo me like a Kiddo. And Kiddo me would talk back to Adult me like a real kid, expressing how Kiddo me feels.

That's how I started

I really really hope this helps!

Many many hugs from across the sea!

Mere,

Thanks.

It is really really hard for me to see myself as a kid/child or even a friend. I tried doing that yesterday and it didn't work. : / But I'll keep it in mind. I appreciate the support. Thanks Meremortal.

On a positive note, I think I really can note that I am becoming more independent. That's why i send my caregivers away for a while - to try to find the nurturer inside of me. Or to find the strength inside of me if that's what I think I need to feel. Instead of collapsing into needing their care and comfort.

If I compare how i was from two years ago, I'm very different. If I look just last year it doesnt seem that different. But perhaps I have progressed more than i think.

Hey, I liked your "progress" post too. : ) Way to go, you!! : )

Liz,
Let's celebrate the progress we have made instead of being frustrated at the progress we haven't made

yay to you too!!!!