BPDRecovery.com: Forums

Tonight was a major reality check ... Hanging out with this male for the last few weeks or so, and tonight he blew me off.

The crazy thing is .... it was a wake up call. What the hell am I doing hanging out with a 27 year old idiot who still lives at his parents house and has major substance abuse issues. I honestly just wanted to have a little fun before I entered the next chapter of graduate school, especially because I"m just scared. So, what do i do? I go back to some random dumb ass male, who doesn't even bother to hang out with me after he told me less than two days ago that he wanted to hang out with me on his birthday, and wake up next to me. And yet, pretty much basic bullshit. The crazy thing is, I know I deserve better, and I know I should be content with what I have accomplished on my own in the past two years. Reality check ... and maybe that is a good thing right now. I don't need to waste my time on people like that.... when I have my own dreams, my own goals, and finally those dreams are becoming reality.

I am love, light and kindness. I am worthy of fulfilling my dreams. I deserve to be happy, and I deserve to evolve into my potential. I am persistent and I will prevail.

No more distractions, although quite fun, are really just fluff and bs. and completely foreign to my mode of existence. -

Just babbling .... thanks for listening.

Pip, despite some tough (at least stressful!) situations, your posts lately have been really inspiring. You're right-- you don't need that kind of bs and you deserve better. AND.....wow, all that you have accomplished just since I've 'known' you-- well, that's really something to be proud about.

Way to go! You never know what's going to set off that lightbulb inside you (sometimes it takes a jerk!), but at least now you know what you don't want or need in your life. Kudos to you-- I do believe wake-ups like the one you describe are exactly what we need sometimes.

P.S. distractions can be a good thing sometimes too......the trick for me is keeping it light, not getting emotionally involved and remembering it IS just a distraction-- not my goal, not my life, not worth getting upset over.

Yes, H and thank you. I do think that distractions can be fun and even helpful. This male is a distraction which is fun for me. I realized this morning not to take the situation personally. He's a nice guy, although with major issues, and if I want to have a hot summer fling, why not? On the other hand, I need to keep it in check - meaning my life comes first. I don't want a long term attachment to this male. I just want to have a good summer before I leave. That's his place in my life.

I ended up hanging out with Chris my ex last night and it was so enjoyable because I finally can be friends with him. I think this is really the second time I've told him that I'm capable of being friends with him now. Took me a year and some change, but I think I'm there now. Enjoyable evening with a good friend and I was totally okay with it. I didn't want to be with him, I recognized and accepted his place in my life and enjoyed the evening immensely.

So, overall a pretty good weekend, although a much different one than I had imagined! lol.

Thanks for listening.