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I'm feeling very alone right now. Alot of realizations coming up for me. I know nobody can fix it or take it away. I just want to know if somebody will sit with me through this dark time.

Hey Emerging~

I am here and would love to listen.

Please just sit with me for awhile.

Right along side you Emerging.

Right here, too.

BTW, Emerging, I loved your response in another thread to Denim. You got me thinking, too. In a very good way.

I talked to my t Wednesday. About how I'll probably never have the relationship I want with my parents. How I should stop looking for anyone else to meet this need. My t can't be a mom to me either. The tears are falling. I feel like a scared 3-year-old. I don't know if I can do this. .

I'm so scared. I don't think I've ever accepted reality before.

What do YOU do when you feel afraid and alone?

Thank you, GuardedHeart and Sarah. Thank you for hearing me and sitting with me. I'll be OK. I'm going to call it a day now.

Honestly, Emerging, I feeling scared right now, too. My PDoc told me I don't need to be on an anti depressant anymore. And that scares me.

I come here when I am scared (not necessarily alone in the physical sense). Many here understand, don't judge, and can relate.

I think I can relate. Several months ago, I used to cry and feel so alone when I saw a daughter (older) with her aging father. I will NEVER (yes, never) have that sort of relationship with my Father. My Mother died of cancer 15 + years ago. She and I started on that path, but didn't ever quite make it there.

If I could, I'd put my arms around you right now so you'd know you are not alone.

OK, Emerging~

yeah, it is about time to call it a day.

Many hugs to you,
Julie

((((Emerging))))

How are you feeling this morning? I think many of us has had that "alone" feeling at various times. It IS scary. What I do is sometimes try to watch my favorite movies. They take my mind off my problems and relax me. It's sort of like being with old friends.

Sometimes when I feel bad I try to think of my recovery and how far I've come. I can't do this all the time, but sometimes try to do it. I realize I may be a lot stronger than I think.

Other times I just go to sleep. My head is full of thoughts and I have to stop for a while. So I go to sleep and just pray before I fall asleep. I'm not the most religious person in the world, but I find that talking to G-d soothese me sometimes. That's what I did last night. It relaxed me and got me to sleep.

We're all here for you. I hope things are a bit better today! :comfort

I wonder if it's the moon. I got to feeling so lonely last night as well. Hope Saturday finds you feeling a little stronger. My family relationships have all felt disappointing to me. I'm especially sad that I haven't built the kind of relationships I wanted with my kids. When I get down about it I generally get on the phone with one of them or a friend or even my first wife, a distant cousin, or my goofy 91 year old aunt. We can talk for hours about what's going on in their lives. Normally one of those calls is enough to distract me from the sadness get a few smiles or laughs and help me move along with the day or some sleep.

Here's hoping you will not feel so alone today. So many of us in the same shoes, we need a giant sized pair.

(((IBF))))

I wish I could send you my "special" banana bread! You put a piece in the toaster oven, heat it up, spread butter over it, and you're in heaven! Enough to put a smile on your face!

I've been feeling down all week, but woke up with a smile on my face today. I don't know why. But I'm just smart enough to accept it! Don't want to fight those good feelings, you know?

We all struggle with those family disappointments. It's so hard, isn't it? Sometimes I get so frustrated I don't know what to do. But I am trying to learn to just sit with the feelings and eventually they pass. I e-mail my friends who have similar situations and we try to work it out with the help of each other.

Yesterday on TV I watched "Parenthood" with Steve Martin. It really hit close to home. I have never had such a difficult job as being a mother. I love being a mother - my son is great - but it takes an emotional toll! I wouldn't trade it for the world but it is not easy. He's 29 and I still struggle. Oh well. I'd rather have him and struggle than not have him, if you know what I mean.

Me and Betty Crocker send you our best, IBF!!!!

Thanks, BG. Oh, yeah. Lookit these crumbs all in my beard! I guess we know why they call it "comfort food". And E2, that reminds me, sometimes giving to someone else who is feelin' down, even trying to give a little comfort here, can help me with my lonely moments. Hope you are feeling stronger today.

Hi Emerging~

How are you feeling today? Hope you are doing okay.

I'm feeling much better myself.

Hi E2 -

Sorry to hear you are going thru such a difficult time. Feeling alone- especially when it hits into those very deep/core places is really difficult. I went thru a horrid time last summer, but it also was a good time/a healing time. I learned a little bit about taking care of myself- nuturing myself and (unfortuntately) what deep deep grieving is about. I can only say that sometime after that some of my depression lifted and I started living for myself again.

There was nothing easy about it, but it was, apparently, very very necessary.

Hope as the days go by you are feeling better. Be gentle with yourself at this time and work on not projecting that things will always be or feel this way.

Hi Julie,

Thanks for the encouragement. I was in a bad way last night. I've held onto unrealistic hopes about the kind of relationship I could have with my parents, and with others. And I'm having trouble accepting the reality. After getting off the computer, I closed my eyes and tried to picture you and Sarah -- one on each side of me -- holding onto me while I cried. It actually helped me feel not so alone.

I'm sorry you are also not able to have the kind of relationship you would like to have with your dad. I know it's so disappointing. Sometimes, it feels like an aching in my heart, an invisible longing. It's like I am reaching out toward my parents but cannot reach them. There's no true connection. It feels empty and superficial.

In my case, I've felt so empty of having a close parental relationship in my life that, since childhood, I've sought out other people who might care about me in a parental way. As a child, I went from door to door looking for a neighbor to care about me, and fell into the hands of a pedophile. As an adult, I've formed attachments with older women who did not understand my attachment issues or the needs I brought into the relationship. I've longed for my therapist to care deeply about me too.

But it appears that this is all wishful thinking. I will probably never have an unconditional, loving relationship with my parents, or with anyone else. It is too late for me to try to gain what I didn't get as a child. I can't explain the kind of crushing sadness this brings me. I don't know yet how to ease the pain and fill the emptiness inside.

Sarah,

Thank you for your support last night. You helped hold me up when the weight of my problems were too heavy to carry.

Calista,

Thank you for the suggestions you gave. Reading is a good distraction, and writing is a good outlet. I will include these in with my coping skills.

Bordergirl,

I appreciate you taking the time to reply to me. As you mentioned, sleep can help. That's what I finally resorted to last night. I know, for me, it can be an avoidance technique. But when I get too overwhelmed, sometimes all I can do is get in bed, put the covers over my head, and shut it all out. I'm coping a bit better today.

IBF,

Thanks for your concern. I'm sorry you had a bad night last night also. But it's good to know I wasn't actually alone in being lonely. I know many of us have painful family relationships. It helps when we can be here for each other.

Smilininside,

Thanks for reminding me that the dark times won't last forever. I hope the pain I feel will lead to some healing, as yours did. I've never really permitted myself to grieve for my losses. I have always been too busy pushing away the bad feelings or trying to convince myself that things are actually different. Maybe I am reaching the grieving stage now. Anyway, I appreciate your kind words of encouragement.