BPDRecovery.com: Forums

I think in lieu of Susanna's recent thread, I started to become curious (as usual, hehe) ......

Why do you visit BPDR?

Is it to learn and practice the tools? Is it to recover? Is it to be a part of something? Is it because it's fun? Is it for social reasons? Is it to share? Is it to give and/or receive support? Is it to become involved in drama? HaHa. Is it because you benefit in some other way (I'm sure this isn't even the beginning of all the reasons there could be to participate at BPDR).

I'm hoping to hear lot of different perspectives and interesting thoughts!

Hi Aqua:

Good thread you've started here. ) I'm supposed to be off to la-la sleep land, but just thought I'd get a couple of thoughts down while they are on my mind.

In my experience, BPDR is quite unique and unlike other, more traditonal, mental health support boards, because of its recovery focus and because specific tools are provided which can help lead to healthier, happier living.

In concept and when things go right, Community members, (including, but by no means limited to), the S/CL Team can help fascilitate that movement toward recovery by, with use of the tools, inquire of each other whether there might be a different way to view a given situation, by offering a different perspective, perhaps, or by supporting the recovery- focused work of those participating in the Community at large.

I think things got off track in a few ways, or certainly are felt/perceived by those particularly affected, to have derailed, and I'm optimistic that those types of things are now changing.

It's not for any of us to pass judgment on the pace of another members recovery, and I think that has happened in the not too distant past.

I think it is OK to respectfully suggest to someone that they may be getting mired down in a certain area, and then to further suggest some ways that they may want to try something different - especially in looking at times when someone may be making assumptions or taking something unnecessarily personally, etc..

That's what was explained to me when I had been here for a period of time. That people may get 'called on their stuff' with the idea that with a focus on where there may be some twisties or boundary/lack of separation of stuff, etc., going on, awareness of same can be very helpful as opposed to what one generally receives at a more traditional 'support only' [and one prominent one I used to go to now actually calls it that] board.

That's why most of the S/CL's focus on the primary tools that are available here, i.e. CBT, the Five Steps, Four Agreements, Separation of Stuff and so on. Over time I have seen other concepts from other disciplines becoming of common parlance and ready use by most members such as 'mindfulness' and 'radical acceptance', etc.

People also discuss other disciplines and forms of therapy, which it is now written into the main home page of BPDR are accepted to be discussed here, but the Focus of BPDR (see below the main blurb) is still primarily about the precepts outlined in the 'Tools' section [in the blue section at the top left of this page].

Other boards have as their primary focus' other disciplines such as DBT, etc., because that's what those boards know about and emphasize.

I try to learn concepts of DBT through dbtselfhelp.com, but since I don't have a bpd dx, etc., I was turned down for an online group that was recently offerred, and would obviously not be accepted into a 3D group as as a so-called 'non' (I've inquired). But I can and do pick up some of the concepts by visiting that board and when some of you all discuss certain concepts which you find helpful.

I came here to learn CBT and to work on codependency/boundary issues, bec. I have a bro. with significant bpd traits (not formally dx'd) and my Mom, of course, who committed suicide, plus to deal with my depression (along with meds) as well as with my anxiety/panic disorder(s) for which CBT is the forefront treatment.

Anyway, I think this all came up and came across as it's CBT only here, but that was straightened out I think, and now we've tried to make it a lot more clear that CBT and the other tools here are what is primarily focused on, but NOT that the others are excluded.

I think this sore-spot came up again recently, and that is probably the cause of some of the strife. The good news is that I think we are getting back on track now with that, too, although the hurt feelings, etc. that people experience(d) naturally take whatever time they take to heal and that's OK. That's how we grow; how I do anyway (that is, to the extent I have which occasionally I think goes at a snails pace, especially re: my panic issues :shysmile ).

What I know is that this place is probably not for everybody, but a good lot of people come here, take a break, and then return for the "recovery-focus" - (Really, almost to a one, that's what people that have gone and come back say).

I myself 'visit' another mental health forum (which is now huge and attempts to cover everything, btw); the one that says in its rules that it is a 'support only' board, and after about an hour I not only realize that there is, imo, even more drama and undercurrents and cliques and all there than here, but that it does not challenge me, nor does it prompt me to challenge myself.

It was good for what it was when I was first dealing with this stuff, (my particular dx's and issues), but this place, even with its occasional upheavals and storms, has been what I've needed as a touchstone and to keep the tools in front of me (and see them applied) on a daily basis, so that, more often than not, (but certainly not always :shysmile ), they are there and 'come to me' when I need them.

Niters for now everyone ... :halo

Candle

Well, that's enough for tonight. I'm really starting to drift off now ...

I am here because I need the support to get through therapy each week (assuming that being accountable here will help me stick with it) and I want to be a support to others in return. I tend to have more "insight" into other people's issues so I am hoping the same is true for others, that they can help me see solutions I may not be seeing because I am too caught up in the way I see things to see them any differently. My former therapist once told me that DID is a "severe form of BPD" (when I told her that therapists who believe in DID are crazier than their clients, LOL, and insisted that I have BPD and not DID). I think that I relate well enough to having traits of BPD that I can benefit from a recovery based board for people with BPD and I am also a "non" since my foster mother has BPD. I have not found a DID recovery site that compares to what I have experienced here. I don't want to be enabled in my mental illness, rather I want to be challenged to become as mentally healthy as possible.

You know, Denim, it's good that you mentioned this, bc this might be one of the tenets of BPDR that might not be written down somewhere, but has always been a part of the belief system of the place as long as I can remember.



Maybe bc that's not written down, per se, it might come across as a 'hidden rule', when really it's a fundamental precept of the whole place and that's why this Board can seem (and is, in fact) more harsh (not quite the word, but rather, less comfort/consolation/sympathy driven, (as oppossed to empathy and compassion which ARE encouraged), than are traditional mental health support boards.

That does NOT mean we should not all strive to be empathetic and respectful in our interactions with others, and that when that doesn't happen, it's wrong and to be regretted. That's why we have such strong ROE's at BPDR, which are now emphasized even more at the bottom of the home page along with a caution that some folks may find the way that this board is conducted, (even on a really good day I mean ) distressing, again, because of its non-traditional, recovery-focused support forums.

I probably haven't articulated this very well, but it wouldn't be the first time that's happened even since this morning. :shysmile

Oh wait, it is morning and I'm still up :shock .

Ok, niters for Candle, this time for sure. :yellowave :sleep