BPDRecovery.com: Forums

What do I need?

I need to start reaching out to people again, to be able to let them in.

Enough time and space to attend to my mental health needs and get organised (once I get the momentum going, this should have a spiral effect - good mental health and organisation creates time and space).

I need not to earn my living doing... well, for extra cash I've been doing something I consider to be morally wrong, though not illegal. This is bad for my self-respect.

I need to attract those clients who treat me well, so I can avoid those who don't.

A routine, especially and starting with grocery shopping.

A way of coping and getting enough space when my partner is at home sick for prolonged periods of time.

More contact with people who are moving towards recovery, at a similar level to me.

Not to use updating my website as a self-care substitute (ouch!)

I think that is enough to be getting on with. And it leaves me with a dilemma, because I have a project for the "morally wrong" client due in on Thursday. Do I get this one done and tell myself never again, or burn my bridges with them now? I dread either course of action.

It's wrong. I know it is. How did I get myself into this? I want to add coming off citalopram to my list, because I can't deny I've been more impulsive since I started taking it. But it could be coincidence, and it has lifted my depression, so really I need to give it the full six months.

Lirael

So, over the past few days I've been re-evaluating things and looking for ways I can meet my needs better. Epiphany has to be a good time to have an epiphany!

This is what I've come up with so far. Replies and feedback welcome.

I need to start reaching out to people again, to be able to let them in.

I am posting here again and trying to spend more time with my partner. For the first time with this T, I sat down and planned what issues I needed to raise at my session - then she couldn't make it because of the snow! I'm going to email her them instead. I got harrassed by some kids throwing snowballs on Wed, it made me late for choir but I told the conductor what happened and texted a few friends for support. I will keep returning to this thread to remind me to reach out.

Enough time and space to attend to my mental health needs and get organised.

I need to make these more of a priority. I know when I have a long "to do" list, my instinct is to just plunge into it in whatever order. I'm finding it helps to write all my Outlook tasks for the day down on a piece of paper - I can give them more meaningful titles (for flagged emails), and it helps me view the big picture and understand where my priorities lie.

I need not to earn my living doing... well, for extra cash I've been doing something I consider to be morally wrong, though not illegal. This is bad for my self-respect.

I did finish the project that was due yesterday (I have no idea if that was the right decision or not). But I'm not going to work for them again and I will use the time to seek better clients instead. I know what I enjoyed about the work and I have thought of a couple of more ethical avenues where I could do similar things, so I will pursue those instead.

I need to attract those clients who treat me well, so I can avoid those who don't.

I think this is largely trial and error, as I've only been doing this since Oct so don't have much data to draw on, but I have some ideas for how I can attract the better clients which I will add to my business plan.

A routine, especially and starting with grocery shopping.

By the end of this weekend I will have set a weekly day or days for grocery shopping, and I'll stick to it!

A way of coping and getting enough space when my partner is at home sick for prolonged periods of time.

More contact with people who are moving towards recovery, at a similar level to me.

I still need to brainstorm on these.

Not to use updating my website as a self-care substitute (ouch!)

I am staying away from this activity for now. I'm thinking some kind of time limit, e.g. 2 hours per week not counting any emergencies, could be helpful.

Any comments?

I think your plan sounds great, Lirael! I especially like that you are deciding to no longer cross your own professional boundaries with the "morally wrong" client. I know that for myself, defining and sticking to my own professional boundaries has really done wonders for my esteem (I work with clients too).

Being able to prioritize my needs/wants and see the big picture as also been incredibly useful to me.

I guess all I have to say really is that I agree with what you've written and I wish you success in the implementation!!

Thanks Harmonium for such an affirming reply, I appreciate it.

I'm also thinking that if I can show clear business ethics and boundaries, that may help attract the better clients to me.