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Ok, here's the deal. My first grad paper is due tomorrow. It is now 10:12 p.m., I am exhausted, and I have to get up early tomorrow. I'm pretty sure it is not an A paper, and I'm positive it isn't an F paper. I have been out of school for over 10 years, and grad school is definitely harder than undergrad. I am now out of time. Although I am feeling extreme frustration because I don't feel like the paper is as good as I want it to be, the reality is that it is an okay paper and I don't HAVE to get an A. I would like to, but it isn't going to kill me if I get a B (which is where I feel the paper is at right now.)

I do not have time to work on this paper anymore. I have the alcohol class (DUI court stuff I have to do) tomorrow for most of the day and I still need to finish the readings before my class at 5:30.

I accept that the paper is not as good as I would like it. I accept that I am frustrated by that. I accept that I have been out of school for a long time and I am feeling anxiety about turning in this first paper. I accept that it won't kill me if I don't get the A. I accept that my own expectations for myself are probably too high right now. And, I at least am trying to accept that I don't have to turn in a "perfect" paper. I accept that really there is no such thing as a perfect paper. I am allowed to turn in a "B" paper, even though doing so feels so incredibly wrong.

My self worth is not dependent upon the grade I receive.

Can you tell I'm trying to convince myself? lol.

You sound like me. Perfection is a must! lol That's a good way to drive yourself crazy. No one is ever perfect. All that matters is you are doing the best you can right now. And it sounds like you are. When you haven't been in school for a while there's an adjustment period.

Let us know how you did!

Your first paper is bound to be a learning experience. I got a C for the first paper on my master's and I graduated with distinction (which is the highest award you can get in the UK). I too had been out of school for a while and I learned as I went. It will be so much easier to write the second paper once you have feedback from your first. I bet you've done a great job, anyway. Let us know how you get on!

Thanks guys! And, Lireal, you are right. During the last class, we modeled an A paper and basically, I realized I didn't really write the first paper correctly. But, it is okay. It's a learning experience, and I'm still adjusting. I think the reality is I will get a C on it. Even though I don't like it, I am okay with it, because I understand it is a stepping stone in this new world of mine.

smiles,