BPDRecovery.com: Forums

Hello! My name is Trinity. I've been posting on this board since..... a really long time. I was diagnosed with BPD in 2003, so that's probably about the time I joined the board back when we were on ez-board. I was for the most part high-functioning. Now, make me feel ignored or stupid or ignored and here comes the deep dark depression. The drinking. The having sex randomly. The spending more money than I'll possibly EVER earn while I was still in college. Destroying all my romantic relationships before the could go wrong, because then I would not be abandoned. I would have just messed up again.

Quick background? My dad died when I was 6. I had a gun put to my head when I was 4 (home invasion robbery). My mother and favorite aunt for BPD- plus. lol

I could go on. Trust me. I worked on CBT and getting my meds right for YEARS. I was lucky and found a partner that both supported me in my times of need and gave me what we call around here "a bitchslap with love". He wouldn't let me get away with manipulative, regressive crap.

So now? I think I handle life. Life doesn't handle me. Do I flip out? Yes. Usually I'll go to bed and cry for an hour, and then I'm okay to problem solve. Things are really bad right now, but I'm holding on. No drinking. No fighting with my husband, just because. The one I'm having trouble with is spending. I WANNA SHOP!

So since I haven't been around for a long time and I just started showing my face again, I figured it's only fair I introduce myself as I probably don't know very many of you. Just know no matter how long we've been on this road, we're here together now. Help? Absolutely! Enabling? (Remember bitchslap with love?) No. So nice to meet you! I hope to get to know each other better.

hi trinity!


As for me, I was diagnosed with bpd in 2010, as in my mentor confronted me and told me to google bpd, and i went like shit.... She then referred me to my current psychiatrist....


my background? My grandmother (the closest person to me) died when I was 10. I mourned for a year, more than a year in fact, with no one to comfort me. Then my dad started using really bad words on me, like ,"useless, die also no use, etc etc". Then my clique in school abandoned me for no reason.

All that happened within the span of 2 years plus and i turned into a hot=tempered monster.

So here i am, going on the recovery road...

Hi Trinity,

I'm sorry you're going through this stuff...partcularly rough during the holiday season.
I know you've been helpful and supportive to me as far back as the Ez-board....remember that board was particularly tricky for me to use, ha,ha.
Sounds like you are going through some rough patches right now. I, for one, will be here to help you in whatever way I can. You'll get through this. I didn't know about the trauma you suffered at such a young age; but you survived that, so you can do anything, IMHO.

Dagwood

Mortal, I relate in such a way to your mourning of your grandparent. I must have mourned, TRULY MOURNED, my abuelita (grandma) for 5 years, easily. Tough to let go of those who you know loved you unconditionally. She as also my connection to my faith, so reconnecting after her death has been difficult. She died in 1999, just to give you am idea.

Dagwood! Glad you remember me. Thanks for the encouraging words.