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I'm just wondering how normal it is to forget major events from your childhood, especially where trauma is concerned.

When I was about seven, my dad drove over my mum's foot. We were on holiday and at a petrol station and they were arguing, or at least my dad was very angry about something and shouting a lot (which was not unusual for him at the time. He's since had counselling and mellowed a lot). I don't know if he meant to run over her foot, or if he just wanted to drive off and leave her there, and was too angry to pay attention to where he was going.

Anyway, I know these facts, and have never forgotten them, but I don't remember how I felt at the time, or what happened afterwards. I know my mum went to hospital and was lucky not to have to stay in overnight (I heard her telling friends that) but who looked after my sister and I when she was there?

Likewise, I know I was bullied severely at school between the ages of 4 and 16, and I know what type of bullying occurred and who the culprits were, but I can't recall many specific incidents.

It probably doesn't matter. I've been able to address all these issues in therapy without knowing the details. I've been able to see how my core beliefs developed and why they aren't helpful to me any more and that the abuse/bullying wasn't actually my fault and so on. But I guess I'm wondering if I've forgotten these things, what else have I forgotten? I still have huge issues with sex and there's no good reason for those that I've been able to pinpoint.

I think it's fairly common, actually. I remember some things but forget others. My husband doesn't remember anything before the age of 11 - except once when it was sunshiny and raining with thunder at the same time. Our brains hold onto what's reinforced and if someone retells the story periodically, the bits they tell us are reinforced. If events happen that we'd just as soon be far away from, those bits won't get reinforced and they'll slip away into the ether.

Thanks, Ash. That makes sense, in the same way that I have a much better memory of those events I've journalled about.

Out of interest, does your husband have any mental health or abuse issues?

I have forgotten a lot of my childhood, too. I was not abused, but I was raised in a home that didn't take proper care of my emotional life, if that makes any sense, and so I was walking wounded a lot. I may have spent a lot of time in a dissociated state, and I don't think that's conducive to memories imprinting.

In my personal writings one of my common topics is childhood memories. I find that as I write about them, they become clearer. I'm not sure whether that's because the reality of that time sharpens for me, or because I fill in the blanks now -- I can't tell. But I do know that reivisiting those things in that way helps me at least form my childhood backstory, and sometimes unlocks pathways to other memories I'd buried even deeper.

jim

I think I disassosiated a lot asa child, not from physical abuse, but what felt like neglect. (I still can't tell is it was neglect or if my PD made it feel like neglect.) I'm not sure which memories are real, which I think i remember through others talking about them, and which are figments of my imagination. Makes me kind of sad sometimes, but I get through it.

It's funny because my twin sister and I will have different recollections of the same event.

i also experience this with my mother... she went with me to do some family counseling with my T, and events that as a child i recall vividly, my mother would remember differently. I don't know how common it is to forget things that were traumatic for us as children--but i personally replay what happened again and again in my head.
it's hard to hear my mothers perception of things because it makes what i feel invalid. the issues my mother recalls differently are times when i felt abused and hurt and confused... for instance being punished like a 5 year old when i would have panic attacks at age 16 (i didn't even know what a panic attack was at the time) for instance, i would not want to go to the store with them, and when they would tell me i HAD to go i would panic and cry and cry and cry-my parents perceived this as me simply 'trying to get my way' .
my mother would downright deny doing things i in my mind KNOW she did. the whole session was miserable for me and as a result i made no effort to attend my next session or even the session after that.
my question is how can i deal with feelings of rejection from my mother when she has such a different view on situations which were traumatic for me? i honestly feel like my mother is afraid to admit that she made mistakes because in her mind that would mean she was a 'bad mom'. i love my mother and i don't think she was a bad mom, i am sympathetic towards her and blame myself (both my parents openly blame the suicide attempts of my brother and me for my mothers depression).
i suppose i just need to look at the situation and agree to disagree. i need to accept my mom and her thoughts and respect those thoughts. likewise she needs to do the same for me. hey! i think i just talked myself through my problem!! sweet
now i find myself wondering if other members on the board agree with me. (i am still getting used to having a healthy and supportive outlet for all my feelings) i feel the need to apologize for writing so much...

Because we filter reality through our own filters, we tend to see things differently and place different emphasis on certain events in our lives. What may have been "just another day" to one person may be a "traumatic event" to another, depending on their frame of reference. It is also common to not retain memories from childhood because they lose their relevance over time. We can't possibly remember every momement of our lives because it would take our entire lives to recall all those memories!