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Hay Jody!

Dunno if you wtach Dr Who or even if you might floow my thoughts here?

But "stay out of the shadows!"

And I must learn to edit more. Was "watch" n "follow" lol

no, you will have to explain that to me? on tv, i find it really hard to understand everything brits say...yall talk so fast!

As I've said before, I've never been abused. I know it's a completely different story of leaving the room when people are watching TV and leaving your home because your spouse abuses you. Two totally different situations, and I'm not comparing them. Just wanted to let you know that. That's where I think lies the difference between invalidation and abuse. Much different scenario. I think in the long run what we have to do is: do the work. Stop trying to compare the differences, and just do the work. I've explained what I feel is invalidation and how it affects me. Not much more I can say. Thanks for allowing me to speak.

i think comparing the 2 situations are fine, BG. it can feel the same, i daresay.

"""" know it's a completely different story of leaving the room when people are watching TV and leaving your home because your spouse abuses you.""""

may not be as dangerous to life and limb, but i dont think its that diff since we are all talking about how to respond to things said to us. how we feel. what a good response would be. thats how we learn.

oh , i wasnt saying anyone was comparing or whatever. maybe i didnt get what i meant out well.

i think you just want to be able to choose-- without justifying-- to not listen to commercials. ? right? as you should. about the same concept as me saying i want to be able to see the train myself and get my ass of the track. just someone to respect our right to think how we choose. and choose how we think. am i close?

i appreciate your sharing those views.

Yes, you're right Jody. It is the same - us wanting to be respected and allowed our POV. Not to feel belittled for having them. That's going to be one of the next things I work on when my T comes back from vacation. How to approach my H and let him know how I feel when he does this. Why I think it is wrong. I have to do it the right way or else I won't succeed. Again, it all boils down to respect. So that's where I'm going to put my efforts. Thanks!

my thread has gotten very off track into defining abuse and terms and way off my intent about thinking and doing for myself and not having people tell me what to do, even if it is helpful and good for me. i need to learn that for myself and not depend on others.

BG, i hope this helps and please post if you want to discuss your own situation more, ok? i do like your ideas....respect...yes.

Thanks Jody. I think I'm done now. I figured out what I need and as I said, as soon as my T returns from vacation we'll talk about this. Thanks for giving me the opportunity to work this out in my mind.

your welcome. im done also. i have to ponder on some words and see if i am the person they see me as.

perhaps its all true. if so, i dont need to be here to hurt others.

thanks for sharing, BG.

Jody, you've already said you don't agree with this thought, but I'm gonna offer it again anyway. If you think of that as abuse, so be it. The intent is to help you with your pondering and the emotions I can feel in your statements right now.
As you ponder, you don't have to agree with this notion, but it should not hurt one bit to experiment with it as though you accepted it temporarily. You can always chuck it later after you've worked with it to see what happens.

Ponder the words is a perfect name for the work you will do on this. But the second sentence in that statement will likely take you off track. IMO it is definitely about the words. Not about the people. The issue cannot be about who Jody is and who the other person is because none of us know who those people are. But clearly, there is work to do on the impact of the words and how you/we react to them. All statements have impact, some much more powerful than others. So an effective question might be, "what can I learn about my thought patterns as I react to these statements?" "What can she learn about her thought patterns as she reacts to my statements?"

I encourage you to experiment with that approach.. if you can see this at all... and now having said that I will leave you to decide how to react to those statements that are bothering you.

It can get very very very frustrating. And that figurative "kick in the ass" every once in a while could be the result, to take it full circle. Nobody is 100% correct, and nobody really knows, but there is experience and wisdom. To me, experience is just something that happened, wisdom is when experience is analyzed and processed. It takes time.




Sure it takes patience, but then I'm no saint either so there ya go! ;-)


This is a very useful, open, thread. Thanks!

im glad if this helps you....i think its great you spend the time to try to understand her and work on it all.....