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I had somewhat of a thought this morning. I was thinking about how good I'm feeling emotionally. I feel like my self-esteem has risen and I've been doing some challenging things that make me feel better about myself.

So I realized that the better I feel about myself, the less I take things personally. I am more comfortable in my own skin and more sure-of-myself, and I think that carries over into not taking things personally.

Has anyone felt this too? I wonder if this is the first step in not taking things personally? I wonder which comes first (like the chicken or the egg). But it's helping me be much more at peace with myself and the world in general. Any thoughts?

B.G.,
This is exactly where I am at. I think for me the "Not taking things peraonally" came first. I reaelly had to trust that the world does not revolve around me and that those around me have all kinds of things going on that aren't about me (a wonderful insight for me!) It has made me much more aware of my (numerous) triggers that come from anxiety about what others are experiencing.

My relationship with W has significantly improved. We are actually discussing things about our relationship without me reading all kinds of stuff into what she is feeling - or not taking her feelings personally. We are putting our lives back together. It feels great.

I agree with you that it really is working in accompanyment with improved self-esteem and a renewed vision that I can succeed and try new things! It is difficult to determine wich part is more significant. I guess they are so interdependent, that is why it is difficult.

Taking everything personally is a terrible burden that I take on. It drains me emotionally and physically and causes a downward spiral in self-esteem. I think, for me, it lies near the center of most of my difficulties.

Here's to Not Taking Things Personally!
May Everyone's Stuff be their own!
Best of luck,
C1

Wow, this really hits the nail on the head!

I had been feeling very positive about most of the aspects of my life recently. Until Sunday, when I took something my SO did too personally. My self-esteem plumeted. As soon as I could see it from that perspective, that it really didn't have anything to do with me, everthing was okay again.

So I do think that self-esteem is linked to taking things too personally. For me, maybe that also involves giving other people the power of deciding my self worth for me rather than having it come from within. It is something I am still working on. I find that the more I don't personalize other people's reactions, the more I am forced to look within for judgement on whether or not my own behaviour is appropriate or if I want to do an activity or whatever. Sometimes I agree with others and sometimes I don't. It gives me the confidence to be who I authentically am, rather than just going with the flow, pleasing others.

I agree with you both than the more this is done, the easier this gets. At least for me, taking thing less personally comes first, then self-reliance natually follows. It requires a leap of faith in myself to do this-- knowing that their only speaking/acting from their point of view and I'm allowed to have mine. It can be diffferent. That's okay. Maybe it is a chicken and egg thing....

Good insight Bordergirl!

I agree with you, BG. Taking things personally is a problem for me too, but when I am busy living my life and not analyzing everything another person says to me or about me, I feel much better about myself. I think they work together: when you have more self-esteem, you don't care what others think, so you don't take what they say personally. But, on the other hand, when you don't take something personally, and "do your own thing" or "think your own thing", it brings up your self-esteem.

I agree with Harmonium and Confused about this issue too. It is a revelation to know that other people care more about themselves than about us. Just like we care more about ourselves. Not to say that I think people are selfish, but we are all self-absorbed most of the time. When we think someone is slighting us, they most likely are unaware of doing so because they are busy with their own lives.

BG, I'm glad that you are more at peace with yourself and gaining more self-esteem. Thanks for starting this thread, too.

great thread, BG! great growth!