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but.........

Why do I feel good? What are these feelings, I can't judge I can't recognise them, But damn for once in my life I am doing just fine.... very strange feeling!

Why do I feel I like myself?

But at the same time why do I feel I have two feet planted on the floor?

Judge them, second guess them, I would rather not, why? Cos I like them.

Nothing more to say right now, but feeling good feels strange, but nice. Will this stay I dunno? Wish it would. Can it and will it....I feel whole...I feel like me, myself n hey no matter what fault I may have in others eyes. I like them too.

I don't want to be big headed, I hate arrogance. Yes sure bad things happen. Right now I feel deep within I can deal with that.

Am I ill or feeling as I should.....n yep there is the self doubt!

Do I have anyone close I can ask is this "normale" no not the spin cycle as in is this within normale limits. I have but one person. I have asked and she says yes.

So I am asking you all too (yes damn I feel that old insecurity kicking in, "be humble tracy")

Thoughts anyone?

yes, its called healing, tracy!

Tracy: Throughout your difficulties and challenges, I've seen a mature, capable woman in you. You've taken the time to give me advice and support, and you've handled your own troubles with wisdom. It hasn't happened overnight. You've worked hard, and I think you have every right to believe in your good feelings about yourself.

I see a few issues (self-doubt, self-esteem for one), but I don't see anything abnormal about you. In fact, I have found you to be quite likable.

Funny you would mention this, because I went through most of my life disliking arrogance, and mistaking self-confidence for arrogance. I found that I believe part of that was because I felt as if they had something I didn't have, and I envied that. I envied people who had self-confidence, even hated them at times. Now, it seems as if I am disliking the opposite, people who lack self-confidence and have self-doubt, and who want to be in misery.

tracy, let me tell ya my view on the arrogance thing, ok?

""""I don't want to be big headed, I hate arrogance""""

NOUN:

The state or quality of being arrogant; overbearing pride.
define overbearing--ADJECTIVE:

Domineering in manner

ar·ro·gant (--gənt)

adjective

full of or due to unwarranted pride and self-importance; overbearing; haughty

arrogant Synonyms
arrogant
modif.

self-important, domineering, overbearing, superior; see egotistic 2, proud 2. See syn. study atproud

like you, i do not like arrogant people at all. why? one very simple reason that is my belief. anyone arrogant is covering up their own insecurities. any healthy, confident person does not need and will NOT be arrogant.

arrogance is a cover for insecurity. self confident adults dont need it because it is a cover and they have no need for one. they KNOW their ok. and it does not need to be proven.

insecure people who want to heal and are honest with themselves wont need a cover, either. covers only hide things, they dont heal them.

i like the definition above, self important. i must learn to pity those types and not dislike the trait. to see thru it.

you do not come across as arrogant. i am curious if it means the same in your country as here. you dont have the trait because you dont need it--you dont play games, you dont hide yourself but are honest about hey, i need work on this trait stuff.

arrgant people are playing mind games with themselves. you dont need that. they are scared to be who they are and admit they have issues. you dont!

true self confidence is never arrogant or self important. true healthy adults dont need to be overbearing. they arent afraid of someone (themselves) to need to hide under it.

that is why you will heal, girl. you are so honest with yourself. and work so hard, harder than i think anyone else i have ever known.

my 2 cents in ya pot****

Tracy,

Sounds like you are being Mindful to me :O)

Roo

Gosh Tracy, I am in exactly the same place as you right now! I discussed this very issue with my T yesterday.

He said a few things. First, that we need to be humble. I told him that I'm feeling so good that I'm afraid something bad will happen. He said that we should enjoy the good times and be grateful for them. He said that as a therapist, he sees many people come through his office with difficulties. Instead of feeling guilty for having a good life, he said he feels humble and grateful. He said when he goes home he feels energized. I was amazed! So I energize him! What a great feeling!

Anyway, we discussed how good i'm feeling. I also told him it doesn't seem real to me, that it doesn't seem like the "real me." He said it was the real me. This is how I feel right now. He said considering my past problems with depression, etc. it's normal to feel this way. That it doesn't seem real. So I am trying to enjoy what I have today. He also said that yes, life is what it is and something bad may very well happen. But he also said that since I'm doing so well, that if something bad does happen I'm better equipped to deal with it.

So maybe that's where you are too Tracy. Enjoy what you have today. Be grateful and enjoy it. And if, along the road, something does trip you up, you will be in a better place to deal with it.

P.S. - I'm really happy for you!!!!

Sorry it has taken me so long to get back to this thread and I do so appreciate all your thoughts. I have been feeling a bit physically bleurgh!

Well I still seem to be doing ok mentally, generally feeling quite strong, and at one with myself. Hope this lasts!

So yes perhaps I may finally getting to the roots of self esteem and self love etc. I do actually care a lot more for myself lately, I guess I am standing up for myself in my own way and not letting things get to me so much. I also seem to have compassion for myself.

I still have issues with the arrogance thing I appreciate the time you have taken Jody to look that up for me, but something about it just isn't gelling. The diff between bigging self up and being overbearing I am not sure I am understanding. Is it mainly the way it is presented? I have been looking for arrogance in me for the last few days and I don't think I am seeing any. I don't think I am better than anyone else, for sure!

I have also been thinking on this whole humility thing. Spend a day with my mum. Although she didn't say it that day.I kept hearing be humble Tracy. Thinking back mum never did like my achieving things very much. It was always you have done that cos god allowed you to etc... So I guess I never learned to celebrate myself... if that makes any sense?

I have been doing 3 exercises for therapy (homework). If you ever want to stretch yourself have a go at these exercises they are amazingly difficult.

1/ write a list of good thngs about yourself, only include positives.
2/ imagine you are auditioning for a reality TV show (like big brother) what would you like to sell about your self. I am to give a presentation to T next session, without cringing, adding buts, maybes, or I thinks etc...(very difficult thing to do.
3/ Each day write down one thing I am proud of myself for (without countering it with a negative)

See what I see as being humble the cringing when I say good things about myself, the shrugging my shoulders T says is lack of self esteem and nothing to do with being humble. (hmm?)

I had the most amount of trouble with exercise 2. So what I did was to write down exactly how I see myself, negatives included. Left it over night and came back. Then looked at it again. What I saw was a discription of myself a few years ago not necessarily now. Seems that although I have worked hard on myself and my life is so much better now. My self perception is still stuck at the me that left hospital 3 yrs ago with my children in care.

It has been really good for me though. To go through looking at this piece I had written using the tools. Untwisting mainly. Being nice to myself as I would my friends (if I wouldn't say such awful thngs about my friends then why would I of myself? Nor would I like listen to them talking of themselves like that) I also had to evidence my self perception against the evidence of the last year or so. So much change has happened, just seems I forgot to celebrate it in myself.

So thanks for all your contributions, between this and a few other threads I have been watching here I really feel I am getting somewhere.

Great stuff Tracy. Yes, my T is big on being humble. Appreciating what you have and even enjoying it.

About arrogance - I have had experience with people I think of as "self-satisfied" people. Not only do these people think highly of themselves, but they have to let everyone around them know how wonderful they are. What they have is the best - the best house, the best kids, the best husband, etc. etc. I get so tired of hearing it. They don't act very humble, in my opinion. So I knew this one woman years ago who was like that. She was "perfect." So after a few years I learn that she's getting a divorce. Her H had been cheating on her and he had a nervous breakdown. She was losing her "perfect" husband and had to sell her "perfect" house. I felt bad for her though. But I see what happens to self-satisfied people. I've seen it happen to other people too.

I think being humble just means appreciating what you have. Don't go bragging on and on about what you have. But appreciating it and knowing that one day the shit might hit the fan. Not being scared every day, just knowing that things indeed could turn around.

I am in the best position I've ever been in my life. My H's job is doing great and financially we're doing well. I've waited over 30 years for this. I am a bit nervous about it - waiting for the other shoe to drop - but my T wants me to enjoy things while they last. So I try not to dwell on what could happen. But I have to remember where I came from and how things were before. Not get big-headed about things. So we walk a fine line between arrogance and being scared shit of losing what we have. I guess that's where being humble and appreciative comes in. At least that's my take on things. I am trying.

hey tracy. i gotta be honest, i immediately went to the dictionary to define humble and humility.

very few of the definitions i would agree with or be healthy. it seems to be what my mom tried to drum into me for so many years. so i would ask his definition of humble before i wanted to be that way.

modest is one. however, i dont agree with that either. lol.

Humility is the defining characteristic of an unpretentious and modest person, someone who does not think that he or she is better or more important than others. Synonym: humble

that isnt too bad. i kinda like that one.

not this one...hum·ble (hum′bəl)

adjective -·bler, -·blest

having or showing a consciousness of one's defects or shortcomings; not proud; not self-assertive; modest

soooooooooooo

i will go back to my diff in arrogance vs self assured.

self assurance does need to be shown, drummed into others, or bragged upon. it is "known" and is a (imho) quiet trait. once we know we are ok and trust ourselves, its like we dont need to "prove or show" this to someone. a place i am NOT at yet. we are content within ourselves on who we are, what we believe, how we behave. we dont own others stuff.

arrogant people , i think, are not in that place. they must put on a "front" and make sure others know how "good " they are,. which speaks of nothing but self doubt and insecurity.

arrogance must prove to others, self esteem doesnt. one included others, one doesnt. this is not to say every insecure person is arrogant. many arent, arrogance is a coping mechanism for some.

arrogance is some feel a fake sense of knowledge and project it better than others to build up themselves in a false way. true self esteem doesnt need this and so it wont happen.

self esteem is about us. arrogance is about others.

ok, im confusing myself! lol.

you say how good you feel. i think..(again!) this may be a bit foreign to you. uncomfortable, so you feel kinda strange, like this must have something wrong with it? i mean, you are used to hearing how wrong you are, owning how wrong you are, and this must feel strange? it sounds ok to not be used to it yet. for it to feel strange to you. but its very real and very wonderful!

you know i am just giving you my opinions. take keep or toss. i think your doing huge work and have come a tremendously long way to healing.

"""""So much change has happened, just seems I forgot to celebrate it in myself.""" i think you got it!

I agree with the humble vs. humility. Someone who doesn't think they're better than someone else. I like that. But arrogance is thrown upon another person - you're right. You can feel good about yourself without throwing it out at other people. You can even laugh at yourself. There are times when I do something I'm proud of or pleased about and I'll tell someone else. But not in a bragging kind of way. More like - "hey, I just did this. Isn't it cool?" Not - look at me, I'm wonderful!!!! I'm better than you.

I don't have the best self-esteem. So I'm always surprised when I can achieve something. I like to SHARE it with other people. Not brag about it, just share. There's a big difference. And I choose who I share it with too.